Is There A Right Way To Raise A Teenager?

ARGH!!

I've never raised a teenager before.  It seems pretty tough.  There are mood swings, power struggles, tantrums, fits, loud music... some of that is me.
I am losing my mind.  One minute she is happy, the next she is vicious and rude.  My boyfriend thinks he knows what to do, I know I don't know what to do and we argue about it.  He went barging in her room today and I flipped out on him.
"Don't you dare barge in her room like that!" I yelled and slammed the door to continue talking to her.
I came out of her bedroom finally and he was standing there and gave me the finger. 
So I think... how many children am I dealing with here?
I have learned some things in dealing with a teenager for the short time I have:

1. It is important to deescalate the situation. The louder you yell, the louder she yells.
2. Arguing does not help. It will take you down a losing path.
3. Threats like "you're grounded for a year" are pointless. You can't follow through on it, so you've played into her hands. 
4. When all else fails, go for a walk or a drive so you can cool off. 

It's tricky, you know? I have known parents who went strict thinking it would work and it didn't.  I have known parents who went slack thinking discipline was a "no-go" and it didn't work. Is there a happy medium? What doesn't help is having someone else in the household giving me hell.

• Do you struggle with a partner about parenting technique?

• Is your parenting style different from your parents?

It Never Gets Easier

So my intentions when I first opened this blog was to highlight all the happiness pertaining to my daughter coming home after being away from me in foster care since 2006. She came home in June 2011. Almost her entire childhood was spent being raised by strangers while I came for visits bearing gifts purchased anywhere I could find them to quell the guilt inside of me.
She is sixteen, and I don't need to tell anyone what it was like being sixteen (if you have already been there) or tell you what it is like to be around someone who is sixteen. At times, being around a sixteen year old is utter joy, while other times it is more like being in the chair at the dentist right before he drills your molar and you realize he forgot to shoot you with Novocaine.
Yeah, it isn't much fun most of the time, but then again, it is the most fun I have ever had in a long time. My daughter is full of attitude I wish I had when I was her age as she tells me exactly what she thinks when she thinks it. I like that about her. I like that she has become comfortable enough with me (in a sense) that she wants me to know when she is upset about something (whether or not it pertains to me).
I would be lying if I told you I didn't second guess my decision to bring her home after the five plus years of her being away from me. I would also be lying if I told you I hadn't locked myself in the bathroom and sobbed while standing in the shower.
I haven't blogged about anything pertaining to this whole fiasco because I don't think she'd be too happy that I aired her crap on the internet for the whole world to see. I certainly would not have been happy if my own mother had done that to me years ago. Then again, my mother was very good at sweeping things under the rug when I was a teenager.
It was kind of the "let's ignore her, she'll get over it."
I don't ignore my daughter... I know it pisses her off now, but I have a feeling in five years she will thank me for it.

Do you think you got enough attention growing up or not enough?

Thanks for listening.