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Sunday, September 18, 2011

Getting Back Into Being A Mother

(Excerpt from a blog on The Great 80's - it applies here)

In the 80′s, my heroes (heroines.. whatever) were people like Laurie Strode (the protagonist in Halloween, played by Jamie Lee Curtis). She was fearless when protecting the little boy she was babysitting against that monster, Michael Myers.

Madonna! I fell in move with Madonna because she broke new ground for adding sexiness to music (along with some sluttiness – my mother loved that part… not.) She was sassy, controversial and took chances.

My daughter is nothing like Madonna, but at 16, I am noticing something about her. She sticks up for the underdog. She stands up for the kid that gets picked on. She sides with the bullied girl.

I put my daughter through hell from the age of 9. I got sober in 2006, when she was 11. But those years of me finding myself, staying sober and focusing on my program, were still no walk in the park for her.

She stood strong. She kept her head high. She never gave up on me, even though for years I had given up on her.

My other two daughters, who are older than my 16-year-old, deserve a mention here as well. They have been through their share of hell courtesy of me… something I am not proud of. They didn’t have the chance for a mother to be there for them in their formative teenage years. My middle daughter pretty much got her smarts on the street. My oldest daughter trusts no one.

One thing I notice in all of them: they stand up for what is right, and most importantly, stand up for themselves.

I struggle from time to time with the right things to say to my kids. Sometimes the guilt creeps in.. it swallows me like wounded prey.

This is bad. Guilt is an evil, worthless feeling that consumes the most optimistic of people.


  1. Congratulations on getting sober and staying sober. As for the kids, I can tell you that despite all the hell my parents put me through when I was a kid, the only thing I want from them now is for them to say "I'm sorry." Neither one has. Amends are powerful things for both. Keep making yours every day.

  2. Hey Rumpy Dog.. Thank you for commenting. I have made my verbal amends to my daughter.. and I am the best mother I can be every day. I learned that she needs a mother, not a friend. She has plenty of friends.

    I am sorry that your parents put you through hell. My parents did the same to me, and I still haven't gotten an amends either. Which is probably why I made one to my kids as soon as the time was right.

    Take care of yourself.


  3. I am glad you and your daughter have been reunited. I know it must be hard and sweet at the same time.

    I have to reiterate what Rumpydog said about making amends. If you asked my mother she would tell you that she told me she was sorry. I never received a heartfelt apology or any kind of acknowledgement of what I went through as a kid. The best I received was about fifteen years ago when I started therapy, I asked her to email or send cards of support with any good memories from before I was five years old. She said, "That was a really difficult time." That's it. What she likes to say is, "You kids turned out pretty good I must not have done that bad." My brother's an alcoholic and was told in his early thirties that his liver was so bad that he didn't have much chance and didn't qualify for transplant because he wouldn't stop drinking, my sister is a psycho manipulating b**ch, and I, well let's just say I have a lot of anger issues with obsessive compulsive tendencies.

    Daughters can be forgiving if you say it from your heart and show them you love them now. Being in the moment is all you can do. For me I would have been happy if she could have just excepted/respected my boundaries. She never could no matter what or how I told her. (and she isn't an alcoholic just co-dependent/victim/emotional abuser)


    1. Morgan, thank you so much for stopping by and sharing part of your story. I am so sorry about your brother.. :( Hopefully you will be able to one day find tools to help you cope with your sister's behavior since you can't change her.
      Changing people is one of the things I had such a difficult time realizing I could never do!

      I am sorry you have a lot of anger issues. If you ever need to chat or talk about anything, look me up!

      And thanks again for sharing.. :)