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Sunday, September 18, 2011

Getting Back Into Being A Mother

(Excerpt from a blog on The Great 80's - it applies here)

In the 80′s, my heroes (heroines.. whatever) were people like Laurie Strode (the protagonist in Halloween, played by Jamie Lee Curtis). She was fearless when protecting the little boy she was babysitting against that monster, Michael Myers.

Madonna! I fell in move with Madonna because she broke new ground for adding sexiness to music (along with some sluttiness – my mother loved that part… not.) She was sassy, controversial and took chances.

My daughter is nothing like Madonna, but at 16, I am noticing something about her. She sticks up for the underdog. She stands up for the kid that gets picked on. She sides with the bullied girl.

I put my daughter through hell from the age of 9. I got sober in 2006, when she was 11. But those years of me finding myself, staying sober and focusing on my program, were still no walk in the park for her.

She stood strong. She kept her head high. She never gave up on me, even though for years I had given up on her.

My other two daughters, who are older than my 16-year-old, deserve a mention here as well. They have been through their share of hell courtesy of me… something I am not proud of. They didn’t have the chance for a mother to be there for them in their formative teenage years. My middle daughter pretty much got her smarts on the street. My oldest daughter trusts no one.

One thing I notice in all of them: they stand up for what is right, and most importantly, stand up for themselves.

I struggle from time to time with the right things to say to my kids. Sometimes the guilt creeps in.. it swallows me like wounded prey.

This is bad. Guilt is an evil, worthless feeling that consumes the most optimistic of people.