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Thursday, March 8, 2012

It Never Gets Easier

So my intentions when I first opened this blog was to highlight all the happiness pertaining to my daughter coming home after being away from me in foster care since 2006. She came home in June 2011. Almost her entire childhood was spent being raised by strangers while I came for visits bearing gifts purchased anywhere I could find them to quell the guilt inside of me.
She is sixteen, and I don't need to tell anyone what it was like being sixteen (if you have already been there) or tell you what it is like to be around someone who is sixteen. At times, being around a sixteen year old is utter joy, while other times it is more like being in the chair at the dentist right before he drills your molar and you realize he forgot to shoot you with Novocaine.
Yeah, it isn't much fun most of the time, but then again, it is the most fun I have ever had in a long time. My daughter is full of attitude I wish I had when I was her age as she tells me exactly what she thinks when she thinks it. I like that about her. I like that she has become comfortable enough with me (in a sense) that she wants me to know when she is upset about something (whether or not it pertains to me).
I would be lying if I told you I didn't second guess my decision to bring her home after the five plus years of her being away from me. I would also be lying if I told you I hadn't locked myself in the bathroom and sobbed while standing in the shower.
I haven't blogged about anything pertaining to this whole fiasco because I don't think she'd be too happy that I aired her crap on the internet for the whole world to see. I certainly would not have been happy if my own mother had done that to me years ago. Then again, my mother was very good at sweeping things under the rug when I was a teenager.
It was kind of the "let's ignore her, she'll get over it."
I don't ignore my daughter... I know it pisses her off now, but I have a feeling in five years she will thank me for it.

Do you think you got enough attention growing up or not enough?

Thanks for listening.


  1. Having a sister who is 11 months older than me, I didn't get nearly the attention I thought I deserved. I kept quiet about my dilemma and let this simmer inside me for most of my adult life. But now, with my daughter (17), I find that sharing with her gains me the attention I so craved back then, but I get to be the expert and she comes to me only when she has a problem.

    How did that happen, I ask myself?

    1. Gosh, if only we had answers to such questions, Diane. :) I am almost a year older than my sister (we are 11 mos, 26 days apart)... I hope you were able to get all that stuff out of you? Sometimes it is dangerous to hold stuff in.. :(

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